Inside Every Day

 My whole life, I was trained to believe in Happily Ever Afters. The endless amounts of Disney Movies, and storybooks turned my brain into an eternal ball of sappy goop that only absorbed all things "love". At five years old I had already developed a mental definition of love. Apparently, love was dancing with Prince Charming, being kissed while sleeping, and riding off into the sunset alongside a perfect man who I had met just moments before. Not to mention we'd probably be singing a song that we both just so happen to know the lyrics to. Love was not something that was in any way unattainable. And according to my knowledge, finding your "Prince Charming" took no effort at all. In fact, if you just waited a bit, he'd find you.  College dating life took all that I believed as a child and shot that horse right in the face.  Happily Ever Afters existed only in movies and in the mind of children. I became one of those bitter girls who sits on her unm...

Single life is fun and all, but being in a relationship with someone who you could swear was completely and without a doubt made for you... That's just a tad bit better.  I've been in relationships before, but not like this one. I'm not about the ooey gooey lovey "ok we get that you two are in love" type of posts, but I've realized a lot of things after being with someone like I have, and so I'll tell you what I think. I think... that I totally get it now. I get why we need someone else. I get why marriage is such a heavenly and sacred thing. I get the saying that "two is better than one". I get all of it.  Nothing rings more true in my ears.  Being in love with your best friend could very possibly be one of life's greatest blessings. I have loved many times. Or so I thought. But I don't know if I completely understood what love was. And maybe I still don't completely understand it's depths. But to care about so...

My friends tell me that my life is like a movie. And I so badly wish I could say that the genre of this movie, that I call my life, was a romance film. You know..romance..with the typical story line of "Woe me, I'm alone and have nobody to love", and then out of nowhere I drop my books in the hall, and the most gorgeous guy on campus just so happens to be there to pick my books up for me, and while picking my belongings off the floor, our hands accidentally touch, our eyes meet, all of a sudden his every movement is in slow motion, and the gravitational pull of the earth has altered to be the center of his smile. Blah blah blah blah blahhhhhh. Nope. That crap doesn't exist. My life, this movie, is a freakin romantic comedy. I swear,the closer an attractive guy gets to me, the more likely something awful is about to happen. So I try to keep about a 20 foot radius between me and any attractive  person of  the opposite sex.. I'm serious...

I've always been a night owl. Mornings are awful…  And morning people freak me out. Ha. If you know me, you know that that I am a frequent visitor of the 3AM's and 4AM's.  I don't really know what it is about the night that I love so much…  Actually, no, scratch that. I definitely know why. I stay up really late some nights because when the sun goes down, and the street lights come on.. It's like time stops for a moment, and the whole world is asleep. You can be who you want to be, do what you want to do, and you can sit and think about a million different things without the guilty feeling of being lazy. And even though most times I end up paying for it the next day.. I still love it. And at the end of the next day, when the sun goes to bed, I find myself staying awake again just so I can feel the calmness and peacefulness that only the night hours can offer me. It's the only time that I can really call "mine".  It's like a whole different...

      After what felt like a very long day of school, I got in my car, already sweating just from the five minute walk outside, and drove my normal route back to my apartment. You know that one traffic light that you just can't stand to get a red on because it literally is the longest red light in the whole world? Yeah, well for me, that light would be the intersection of State Street and University Parkway. I was coming up to the light of no return, and just like clockwork, as I was getting closer, the light switched from green, to yellow, to red. Bitter about it, mostly just because I feel defeated when I get stopped at this light, I relaxed a bit in my seat knowing that it would be a good century before I'd be driving again. But little did I know that a tender mercy from The Lord was given to me that day in the form of a red light. Just to the right of me, sitting at the corner, was an old man with a cardboard sign that read,  "Vet in need, anything will help...

Sometimes on nights like tonight,  I'd rather just stay home. There's something so great about taking a night off from the rest of the world, and simply doing nothing. Or doing the small things that I feel like I don't get to do as often as I would like to…  like drawing in my sketch book, writing in my journal, reading, blogging, playing my guitar, singing, etc. I had several opportunities to go hang out with different groups of friends, but I needed a night like this one. A night where I get to come home to my quiet apartment, pull my hair up in a bun, throw on sweats and a t-shirt, and cuddle up in my electric blanket and have a movie marathon  while eating Taco Bell and ice-cream. Haha I'm sure you can imagine it. It's not that I'm grumpy or tired, or that I'm not wanting to socialize, but I thoroughly just enjoy getting away from it all every now and then. :) Even though these types of nights are pretty insignificant, and ...

I've been thinking a lot about the term "soul mate" recently... What is a soul mate anyway? I don't even know if I believe in such a thing. It seems fictional. I've always been taught that you can be happy with just about anybody as long as you are willing to work together to love and accept one another for all that each of you are; flaws and all. But it's not really like that. You don't want to spend the rest of forever with just anybody. I think all of us strive to find the one person that 100% completes us. In a way I feel like our soul mates are the people who tear us apart from the inside out and force us to be everything we didn't know we were. A soul mate should push you to your limits, and bring out every fear about love you've ever had. Because love is scary, and until you feel scared, maybe it's not love at all. But what are the odds that we find that person in our lifetime? Our "soul mate". And what if that person is half ...