Inside Every Day

"I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I feel like this." This tired. My days are starting to overspill into my nights, and my body hates me for it. Let's be real, I'm a little grumpy and have too much to do. And the fact that my stomach is starting to yell at  me for ignoring its needs is a great addition to the day. But I've got a bag of chocolate waiting for me at home and a jug of grape juice, so I think I'll survive the day. I'd like to think that I'm pretty well established in my new life here in Provo… When it comes to work, school, and social life at least. I've become a professional at the work and social aspect of things… But I'm struggling to find a balance between those two things and my lovely school crap. Haha. My prior...

"What changed you?" My teacher asked our class this question at the start of the hour and gave us a moment to ponder and analyze. Our next english paper would be an autobiography about the moment in our lives when everything changed. When "who we are" became "who we are". Each person in the class was called on, and in turn would share what they would write about - what changed them. As each person told their story, I noticed a pattern. Everyone in the class talked about some huge experience that happened in their life that supposedly was the moment that everything changed. Car accidents, humanitarian trips to other countries, deaths in families, missions, etc, etc.  But for me.. There were no moments like this in my life. No huge experiences that changed me. I never had any ah-ha moments or bursts of light. I can't pinpoint a time when I became who I am today.  Because not one thing has changed me. Everything has. It's those little things -...

Well hello my adoring fans! :) Haha joke. I've been meaning to post more blog posts. One, because my life is awesome let's be honest, and two..I'm going to get a bad grade in Communications if I don't, but uh..Mostly number two.. :) I've been trying to sew the events that have taken place all together into one category or topic, but to be quite frank, there's just way too much to sort it all out, and I realized that I don't need to tell you all about my life and bore you with the details of it all, but instead I should write about the thoughts that have taken over my mind regarding all these things. In the last two weeks, my life has taken a complete 180. And not in a bad way either. If I were walking out of my math class after taking a test, this is the way I'd feel after totally dominating it and getting an A+. Haha probably the worst comparison I've ever made, but that's beside the point… haha! Everything has fallen into place, and...

In this lifetime.. Goodbyes and heartbreak are almost inevitable. There's a beginning and there's an end. A point when everything you've known becomes everything you knew. And still, at the height of it all, it doesn't matter. Because there's no better feeling than being with someone who knows you and accepts you. Even for just a short while. That person becomes your other half - your reason for happiness. And it feels good because it just does. Because love makes us feel that way. That way that's indescribable. You don't think about the end because it seems too far away. And you don't think about the end because we're too young to be sad. But sometimes it just comes. The end of just a beginning. And for a moment, you wait. For somebody to shake you awake, and realize that you were only dreaming. Standing there numb, waiting as long as possible, until you realize nobody is coming to end this thing that feels like a nightmare. And so you run to the o...