Inside Every Day

Some sort of person you are. Spending moments with you seems unfair to everyone else. But in those moments, I don't care to be so selfish. I'd take all of your time if I could. I feel as though you stand above me and pull the strings attached to the corners of my mouth. You are, after all, the reason for my smile. Smiling has never been so easy, effortless, and simple.  I wonder sometimes if you know how often the words "I love you" come into my mind. I don't say it every time. I don't want you to know that I actually do love. you. more. It's weird...feeling like this. Some sort of person you are.

I can't sleep with my hair down.  It's too long. I've tried it. JUST so that I can have that messy/sexy look in the morning like women in the movies do. Not that that accomplishes anything at all, but waking up and looking in the mirror would be a lot less traumatic if I didn't look like a zombie that crawled out of World War Z. But no.  I can't sleep with my hair down.  It gives me the sensation of spiderwebs being woven across my face. I hate it. Along with that, each time my body feels the urge to switch positions every two minutes, I have to sort of whip my head around and then quickly smash my face into the pillow so that my hair falls behind my head in a flat-like fashion. It's not an easy task, and quite frankly uses too much energy. And I can't be the only one who pinches their own hair in between their armpit and then can't get it unstuck....?? Or maybe I am... Gosh dangit.  So no. I don't know what it's like to wake up with ...

 My whole life, I was trained to believe in Happily Ever Afters. The endless amounts of Disney Movies, and storybooks turned my brain into an eternal ball of sappy goop that only absorbed all things "love". At five years old I had already developed a mental definition of love. Apparently, love was dancing with Prince Charming, being kissed while sleeping, and riding off into the sunset alongside a perfect man who I had met just moments before. Not to mention we'd probably be singing a song that we both just so happen to know the lyrics to. Love was not something that was in any way unattainable. And according to my knowledge, finding your "Prince Charming" took no effort at all. In fact, if you just waited a bit, he'd find you.  College dating life took all that I believed as a child and shot that horse right in the face.  Happily Ever Afters existed only in movies and in the mind of children. I became one of those bitter girls who sits on her unm...

Single life is fun and all, but being in a relationship with someone who you could swear was completely and without a doubt made for you... That's just a tad bit better.  I've been in relationships before, but not like this one. I'm not about the ooey gooey lovey "ok we get that you two are in love" type of posts, but I've realized a lot of things after being with someone like I have, and so I'll tell you what I think. I think... that I totally get it now. I get why we need someone else. I get why marriage is such a heavenly and sacred thing. I get the saying that "two is better than one". I get all of it.  Nothing rings more true in my ears.  Being in love with your best friend could very possibly be one of life's greatest blessings. I have loved many times. Or so I thought. But I don't know if I completely understood what love was. And maybe I still don't completely understand it's depths. But to care about so...

My friends tell me that my life is like a movie. And I so badly wish I could say that the genre of this movie, that I call my life, was a romance film. You know..romance..with the typical story line of "Woe me, I'm alone and have nobody to love", and then out of nowhere I drop my books in the hall, and the most gorgeous guy on campus just so happens to be there to pick my books up for me, and while picking my belongings off the floor, our hands accidentally touch, our eyes meet, all of a sudden his every movement is in slow motion, and the gravitational pull of the earth has altered to be the center of his smile. Blah blah blah blah blahhhhhh. Nope. That crap doesn't exist. My life, this movie, is a freakin romantic comedy. I swear,the closer an attractive guy gets to me, the more likely something awful is about to happen. So I try to keep about a 20 foot radius between me and any attractive  person of  the opposite sex.. I'm serious...

I've always been a night owl. Mornings are awful…  And morning people freak me out. Ha. If you know me, you know that that I am a frequent visitor of the 3AM's and 4AM's.  I don't really know what it is about the night that I love so much…  Actually, no, scratch that. I definitely know why. I stay up really late some nights because when the sun goes down, and the street lights come on.. It's like time stops for a moment, and the whole world is asleep. You can be who you want to be, do what you want to do, and you can sit and think about a million different things without the guilty feeling of being lazy. And even though most times I end up paying for it the next day.. I still love it. And at the end of the next day, when the sun goes to bed, I find myself staying awake again just so I can feel the calmness and peacefulness that only the night hours can offer me. It's the only time that I can really call "mine".  It's like a whole different...

      After what felt like a very long day of school, I got in my car, already sweating just from the five minute walk outside, and drove my normal route back to my apartment. You know that one traffic light that you just can't stand to get a red on because it literally is the longest red light in the whole world? Yeah, well for me, that light would be the intersection of State Street and University Parkway. I was coming up to the light of no return, and just like clockwork, as I was getting closer, the light switched from green, to yellow, to red. Bitter about it, mostly just because I feel defeated when I get stopped at this light, I relaxed a bit in my seat knowing that it would be a good century before I'd be driving again. But little did I know that a tender mercy from The Lord was given to me that day in the form of a red light. Just to the right of me, sitting at the corner, was an old man with a cardboard sign that read,  "Vet in need, anything will help...